Diary of a Bloody Teenage Girl
by Devious Sixteen
Summary: Mikan is no ordinary teenager. Forced to live in a hell of a life, she begins "hallucinating". Has she gone crazy, or was fate trying to tell her something? And what if she found out that "he" had a dark secret to hide? What would become of "THE PLAN"?
1. 1:Tempting Fate

**Beta: Ichigo1010**

Chapter 1

I woke up to another hopelessly endless morning of despair. Exhaustion seeped through me, my hazel eyes were dull. I had been restless last night as I had yet another nightmare, tossing and turning in my bed like a helpless little child. I might have been over-reacting that night, but then again… what if I wasn't? That dream felt more real than reality itself! . . .

Ugh... whatever. Just another stupid nightmare I guess. Why should I even care about such a lousy thing when my life already totally sucks as is? I mean, why do I have to spend another day in a place where I feel I don't belong at all? Where I feel I'm only wasting my time and energy on senseless reasons? Why not just take away my life and spare me from all this anxiety and nonsense?

I sighed. Looking around my room, I saw the same images I had since long ago. Four, cold white walls surrounding the only things I have been with since I was young: small room without a single window, a solitary light bulb dangling from the ceiling, a small mirror, a lumpy bed, and all my clothes piled in a small neat stack on the floor in one corner of the room.

Today though, unlike any other day, I decided to finally leave my "sanctuary" for a change. It would've been better than just locking myself up as usual, in silence, listening to myself breathing, waiting for nothing to happen, surrounded by emptiness ,and trying to hold on to a forever lost dream of being free. I would just be lying there doing absolutely nothing, waiting for death to finally take me back to the pits of hell. I guess life probably isn't all that bad. I just have to accept the fact that I can never be truly happy no matter how hard I try - no matter how much I will myself to understand the situation. . .

I threw my long, honey brown hair back into a ponytail before I left my room. I didn't even bother change my clothes.

I had barely made it through my bedroom door when I heard a cruelly familiar voice come from the door on the far end of the corridor. "MIKAN, MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL AND BRING ME A GLASS OF WATER! FAST!" The voice shouted.

I couldn't believe that woman. Not a single minute out of my room and already she's bossing me around again. I heard myself groan. What did I expect from a person who couldn't think straight just because she lost her husband. It WAS her fault he left us in the first place. SHE never loved HIM, she just used him to get the things she wanted. An escape that she just happened to have stumbled upon one day. She was young and wanted to get away from her strict parents. She just wanted to be wild and free. But her means was unforgivable. When I was born, she used me to blackmail him into giving her all the money and support she needed. But of course, he soon had enough of being made fool by a selfish woman like her, and left.

While I had these thoughts I had already gotten a glass of water from the kitchen and was just about to knock on her door. But I didn't knock, after having thought about it a while. Instead, I just went right in.

And there she was, sitting on her huge, comfy bed on the other side of the room, the bane of my existence and the source of all my problems. . .

Erin.

The fake blonde was on her laptop chatting with her so called "friends" her brown eyes bored. She was wearing a fluffy blue hotel robe. Erin didn't even bother acknowledge my presence as I walked in, so I just set down the glass on the small table next to the bed. Then I took a quick glance around the room; grandly furnished with a sofa, a nice dresser with a small gold chest full of fancy jewelry, and a large window and balcony. How can such a horrible person stay in such a beautiful place like this and yet can't even provide the needs of her own daughter? She doesn't deserve any this! She is so selfish! Actually, selfish is still a very modest way to describe her.

I turned to make my leave.

"Oh, hey, before you leave, take out the blue silk dress from the closet", she drawled with a dreamy look to her eyes. "I have another date with a VERY rich man later so I won't be back 'til tomorrow".

I grudgingly did as I was told, muttering under my breath. I went to the walk-in closet and picked out the one I was looking for among the other pretty dresses she got from her other boyfriends. Then I put it on top of the nearest chair I could find. I was about to leave expecting at least a thanks or whatever, but none came. I was tapping my fingers on the door's surface, still waiting for a response from her. _The clunk-clunk-clunking_ of my fingertips on the wooden door frame echoed in the room. Still without looking at me she screeched, "Oh will you stop that infernal racket! I'm busy here!"

I slammed the door behind me, not caring if that had disturbed her or not.

"What an ungrateful bitch!" I muttered under my breath.

She's going out with another guy AGAIN. I swear, she is acting like a freaking prostitute running wild with random strangers. She takes as much as she can from a guy – money, jewelry, dresses, watches, cell phones, anything she can get her grubby little hands on that she thinks is good enough – sleeps with him, then in the morning before the guy realizes it, she's gone – along with their precious belongings. And then she runs off with another man. It's always been like that since dad left.

What a waste of human life, taking advantage of other people for her own selfish needs – oops. . .! I mean "DESIRES". Just as I thought, this day seems to turn out as pointless as I first expected it to be. So far. . .

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**I'm sorry if this chapter might seem a bit crappy to you. It was so hard for me to think of a good way to start the plot. But I promise you that the following chapters are WAY better!**


	2. 2:His Story

**Beta: Ichigo1010**

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Chapter 2

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Lunch time came, Erin had already left for her "date". She left us some "lunch" on the table. If you consider a few loaves of bread and some butter as lunch, that is. And you're probably wondering why I used the term "us". No, I did not make a grammatical error there (though there are probably a few somewhere within my story). Anyways. . .

I took my usual seat. Across the table sat my "brother" Natsume. His crimson eyes were calm and his hair was its usual messy perfection. You're probably curious how he came to reside here. You see, it's really a long story but I'll try to keep it short. . .

-----

This took place when dad was still with us.

When Natsume was still very young, his parents and his older brothers and sisters left for America, leaving him alone, thus he was left to be taken care of by my mom. And how could a selfish woman such as she ever take in an infant that wasn't hers? Was it because she was nice? No. The answer to that question would have to be: bribery. Natsume's parents paid my mom a huge sum of money, she just couldn't deny.

When he came of age, my mom sent him to school since it was the request of Natsume's parents. He was a very bright boy and got a full scholarship. My mom let him continue his studies since she didn't have to pay for his tuition and school materials. She didn't even need to bring him to school or hire a bus service. He always walked to school everyday, even during heavy rains and storms.

Then I was born.

My mom – too distracted enjoying life - made Natsume take care of me until I grew older. He taught me all that I needed to know, since my mom was too greedy to send me to school. And even though he had to do all of that, he never complained. He rarely talks crap as far as I know.

And even over the years, Natsume's parents never came to visit. Not even once. They didn't even send letters or anything or ask if he's happy and well. They act as If they never even had a son.

When he needed something, he took the money from the ones he earned from his part time job as a tutor. He also once told me about his ex-girlfriend. Her name was Hotaru or something. She only used him to get money from him, and to earn fame among her peers. She dumped him before they've even been together for 2 weeks, but I guess he never felt shame. It wasn't like he was a bad boyfriend or that he was found disloyal to her.

When he graduated from college, he went up the stage to get his diploma and awards by himself. He didn't have any friends. So he kinda supported himself all throughout his life.

But now he's having a hard time landing a good job while my mom, being the total bitch she is, demands a large part of his salary. It was to be payment for all her "hard work" and "dedication" to supporting him in his times of need and the "sacrifices" she made for him. As if! I think SHE should be the one owing HIM for taking care of her daughter and for all the meals HE cooks and pays for.

-----

"I finally found a company willing to hire me. I'm supposed to have an interview later, so I won't be home until later tonight," Natsume whispered, not bothering to look at me.

I sighed. It seems that I'll be alone again for today. Not that I'm surprised. I'm almost always alone all the time, so I should be used to it by now. But why do I feel disappointed? Strange.

"But I guess we can still hang out tomorrow. We can talk about stuff, you know. . . and we can spend some time together," he said suddenly.

I brightened up a bit at the idea.

"Yah, I'll look forward to that!" I agreed happily.

He gave me the smallest of smiles. Even that most miniscule of smiles brought warmth to my cold heart.

By the time he left, I noticed a note lying on the kitchen counter.

_Clean the whole house. I wanna see it spotless by tomorrow when I get back. It's your responsibility now. -Erin_

I was furious.

How the heck did it become my responsibility?! SHE's the one that makes all the mess in the first place! And she expects ME to clean up after her?!

I crushed the note in my fist and threw it into the trash.

This is why I always keep to my room, to avoid having to do all her chores for her. That woman is so pathetic and unreliable. I swear, if I DID clean the whole house, she wouldn't notice it. And if I DIDN'T, she would whip me and pull my hair and do horrible stuff to me. It happened once before, and I've developed serious trauma for it.

So I did what she told me to do. I cleaned the house. Sometime during the time that I was scrubbing floor did it begin to drizzle outside and eventually break into a hard rain.

To keep myself motivated, I made myself to think that I was just doing this for my sake and Natsume's, and not for that wicked woman. After I dusted, swept, mopped, and tidied up the place, I took out all the laundry and began to wash them. What I found laying beneath all the clothes, you can only guess: A MAN'S UNDERWEAR! And I'm pretty damn sure it's not Natsume's. So gross!

I tell you, my mom is such a total bitch, one day I'm gonna kill her. I swear. I threw the (dirty) underwear in the nearest trash can I could find. Oh, how I wanted to burn the darn thing. But I didn't.

I looked at the dusty old wall clock; it seemed I still had enough time to make dinner. I opened the pantry and took out the only remaining food I found in there: a can of sardines. I guess it was enough for two people. Then I tried to cook some rice. I'm gonna skip all the cooking mumbo-jumbo and accidents I caused and try to save myself the humiliation, ok? So I set the table and placed the "more than slightly burnt" sardines and undercooked rice. I have to admit it: I never was good at cooking.

I just finished setting up the table when the front door opened. Natsume entered, looking really tired. His raven locks were wet from the rain and water dripped off the ends. He was completely drenched from head to toe.

He took off his coat and put it in the closet, then he loosened his tie. He actually looks different when he wears formal attire. It was the first time I saw him wearing something like it. I never did realize that I was blushing at that moment.

I handed him a towel without a word, and after he dried his hair well enough, he sat down on his usual seat on the dining table while I sat opposite from him.

We ate in silence, but it wasn't awkward as you might think. We're used to this kind of silence. It was kinda comfortable actually, like we had a special connection that only the two of us could comprehend. His mere presence provides comfort to my tortured soul. When I'm locked up in my room, he was the one who brings me my meals. He isn't like my mom who wouldn't give a damn even if I starved to death. Even as I grew up, he still took good care of me, like a real older brother would. He didn't care if I never repaid him. He just acts like he never cares about anything, but I believe, real deep inside, he's a very kind and gentle person with a caring heart. He deserves much more than this. . .

I didn't notice I was staring at him until he pulled back his chair and stood up, carrying his plate to the sink. I was shaken out of my thoughts. Now fully aware, I felt embarrassed at my actions.

"I'll wash the dishes," he said over his shoulder.

I just blinked, stunned. It wasn't like him to be doing the dishes and more so, telling me he would. Usually he would just disappear into his room until dawn. I didn't know what to think. My thoughts were a blur. So I finished eating real fast and brought the plates to him. I'm pretty sure I looked dumbfounded as he took the plates from my hands.

Unsure of what to do now, I slowly walked to my room. Looking back every once in a while, not sure if I should continue walking. When I reached the door and put a hand on the door knob, I stole a last glance back at Natsume. I felt uneasy as I entered my room. I paced back and forth in rhythm to the beating of my heart. For what seemed like an eternity to me, I was still laying awake. Restless, I walked to my door and opened it a few inches. I peered outside. A dark silhouette stood motionless in front of the sink. I had this feeling that something was troubling him. A part of me wanted to go to his side and comfort him, but the other part told me it would be better to leave him alone for a while.

The door swung and shut itself close with a soft thud. . .


	3. 3:Nightmare

**Beta: Ichigo1010**

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Chapter 3

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_I was kneeling on the cold hard floor. I didn't know why I was in that position. I tried to survey the area. That was when I realized the blood. Blood on my hands, blood on my lap, blood everywhere; slicking the floor and creating a pool of red around me. All of it was warm as though it had been spilled recently. _  
_  
_  
_Panicking, I checked for wounds but found none, nor did I feel any sort of pain. I looked around at the complete nothingness. My body started shaking violently. I didn't know the reason why. . . Was I cold? No, I don't feel the slightest of chills. Was I nervous? Why the heck would I be nervous? So. . . why was I shaking like crazy? Why was I acting like this when I couldn't find a single reason why? . . .why?_  
_  
_  
_Then a particular word struck me. FEAR. . . Fear that could surpass all others. I couldn't stand it; I crossed my arms across my chest, trying to keep myself together. I closed my eyes as tight as I could. All I could do was lower my head and hope for the shaking to subside._  
_  
_  
_Why am I here? I couldn't even think straight anymore. It's like. . . my mind was suddenly empty - erased of all sense and thought. Then something warm brushed along my skin._  
_  
_  
_Slowly I opened my eyes. Then, I saw that a small creature was licking the blood off my arm. It looked like a baby fox, only its eyes were a glowing red and its shiny coat had a golden hue. It stopped for a while and stared up at me. Our eyes made contact and suddenly everything around me turned into flames. I felt the heat intensify. The fox turned its head; I followed its gaze and my eyes widened._  
_  
_  
_ Standing motionless there beyond the flames was Natsume. He was burning, and yet his face was emotionless. But if I looked closely into his crimson colored eyes I could see the tortured soul within, screaming, pleading for help. I wanted to run to him, to hold him close, but I couldn't move. I felt so helpless as I watched the flames scorch and burn him._  
_  
_  
_Then, almost as suddenly as they had appeared, Natsume and the fire that was engulfing him disappeared. I looked around, only to discover that the creature was also gone. I was alone once more in the darkness. A searing pain shot through me. The pain was unbearable. I tried to scream but no sound came from my mouth. I dropped to the floor. The pain seemed to increase with each passing second. It was too much for me to handle. If-if only this was just a dream. Then. . . I. . . could. . . just. . . . ._  
_  
_  
_'_Wake up_.' A voice whispered. _

I sat up, panting really hard and brushed my hand across my forehead. My hand was wet with sweat. Just a bad dream, I thought to myself. But somehow, I don't feel so sure about that. . .

I fell back on my bed and took a deep breath as I tried to calm my racing heart. I waited as my breathing returned to normal. For the remaining few minutes before sunrise, I lay there on my bed staring at the ceiling.

"Breathe, Mikan..." I murmured to myself. "It's just a dream...."

After a while I popped my head out my door. Hmm. . . seems Erin still hasn't returned.

I stepped out of the room and walked to the kitchen where I expected to see Natsume on the dining table, eating. But he wasn't there. He wasn't in his room either. Then I saw a note on the table.

_I'm sorry, I know I promised you we could hang out today, but something came up at work. The company president asked for my presence at once. I'll be back as soon as I can. -Natsume_  
_  
_  
I let out a sigh.  
_  
_  
_'Of course has had to go.' _I told myself. _'It was an emergency right? Maybe something bad happened at work. Or they just had this urgent meeting or something. It'll be OK. Anyways, I'm used to the silence. . . and the darkness. . . and the loneliness. . . and the disappointment. . . and-'_

A black cat suddenly appeared at the doorway and gave a small meow and startling me out of my thoughts. Curious, I started slowly making my way towards it, but it fled. I tried to follow it but it had turned a corner, and then another as it ran through the halls, all the way until I reached a dead end. The cat was nowhere to be found. It seemed it to have vanished into thin air. . .

I was walking back to my room, wondering how the cat could have gotten inside the house. How it could've vanished just like that. We only had one window, and that was in Erin's room (which was more or less always closed). Could it have come through the front door? But, last time I checked, it was locked shut.

I shook the thought of the little cat off my mind.  
_  
_  
_'I was just hallucinating,'_ I thought to myself.

Reaching my room, I opened the door and flopped to my bed without bothering to turn the lights on. I stared at the empty darkness in front of me, raising my hands just in front of my face only to see darkness still. Dropping my hands back to my sides, I lay like that for a long, long time.

Suddenly, I heard a sound. I rolled onto my stomach and propped myself up with my arms, wondering where it could have possibly came from. The sound came again, but louder this time.

It was then that I noticed that it was coming from my stomach. Blushing, I put a hand over the source of the noise. I rolled my eyes, feeling stupid that I had been startled by such a silly thing. So I stood up and blindly made my way towards where I imagined the door was. Unfortunately, I bumped my head on the wall a few times before I finally found the damned door.

In the kitchen, I opened all the cabinets, only to find them all empty. Even the fridge was empty. My tummy grumbled yet again. If had no choice, I could cut my own feet and eat it. . . but I'm not THAT crazy. So I just sat on a dinning chair trying to forget my hunger, which unfortunately, is easier said than done.

More than an hour passed before I realized I was lying on the kitchen floor. I turned my head a little. The wall clock kept ticking loudly, mocking me, emphasizing the length of each passing second. 2:19pm already. I sat up; I had already forgotten what I was doing there. Then I remembered, my stomach reminded me with a loud groan. I looked in the fridge. Aww. . . I forgot it was empty. STUPID! My stomach was killing me! If I don't eat something really soon, I would DIE! (ok… might be overreacting a bit, but my tummy really did hurt. Bad.) A loud groan of frustration escape my lips.

Then there was the sound of the door knob turning. I peeped my head around the doorway, expecting to see the evil witch of the west with her new boyfriend in tow, but instead, I saw Natsume standing there.

We were sitting together eating glorious roasted beef. Heartily, I ate my fill. I just couldn't stop eating. It was just soooo delicious! I kept stuffing my mouth with more and more food. I looked up at Natsume who was watching me with what looked like amusement in his beautiful crimson eyes.

"Hey, aren't you gonna eat?" I questioned with my mouth still full, pointing my fork at him.

"I already ate before I came here." He replied simply. "I never thought you would be THIS eager to eat. Sorry I took so long."

I slowed down my chewing to a more human speed, then swallowed. "No, it's OK." I assured him. "I'm just glad you remembered to bring me lots of food! What happened at work anyways?"

"Let's just talk about that later. I'm sure you're still hungry. I also bought some ice cream. I already put in the freezer."

I just laughed and got back to eating. I was even smiling grandly. But Natsume's expression was very far from what I was feeling right now. It was like he was trying to make up his mind about something. And that something didn't seem to be such a good thing. . .


	4. Memoirs

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Memoirs

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A horrible memory came back to me. . .

That summer's day started out so well with me and Natsume on the dining table. I didn't expect anything unusual to happen at all. It was a very hot day and Natsume had taken out a huge tub of ice cream from the fridge. He already got his share in his bowl, so it was my turn next.

I was just transferring my second serving of ice cream to my bowl when Erin barged in. She was home early. She should've been gone until tonight or maybe even tomorrow - but based on her expression, I had a strong feeling that her little "date" with the CEO of that large company had not gone so well. . .

She narrowed her eyes as she looked at me, then she started shouting at me. "You like ice cream so much?!" She screamed. "Well go ahead – eat it all!"

She grabbed Natsume's ice cream bowl and shoved it at me. She stood over me and forced my head down and into the ice cream, ordering me to eat both bowls. I snuck a peek at Natsume. Why hadn't he come to help me yet?

But Natsume's face was blank as he just sat there. He didn't do anything to help me, and I realized at that moment that I can never trust anyone to defend me. I was in shock, I thought he was my friend. . . but I guess I was wrong.

I started crying. But mom didn't care; she made me eat while crying. Then when I chocked down the last of it, she grabbed my head and shoved my face into the ice cream carton. She made me lap it all up like a dog, until I had finished it all.

I learned my lesson later on. . .

Erin enjoyed watching me cry. . . watching me suffer. . .

So I stopped crying. . .

I never cried again. . .


	5. 4:Broken Glass

**I'd personally like to thank xXSakura AawayukiXx and JumpingJacks for their awesome reviews**

**[You can expect much more in the coming chapters]  
**

**And also to my inspirational beta Ichigo1010**

**. . . I am accepting all comments - good or bad . . .**

**. . . And I will try considering suggestions to make this story better . . .**

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**Beta: Ichigo1010  
**

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Chapter 4

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We were now sitting on the floor in Natsume's room. It was WAY nicer than mine. His room had a study desk on one side and a nice, queen sized bed on the other. Other than that he also had a shelf full of thick books and a couple of pictures of him and me together. Everything was so orderly and clean. I seemed out of place, eating a huge bowl of coffee crumble ice cream.

"So, what happened at work today? What was the emergency?" I asked, shoving another spoonful of icecream into my mouth.

Natsume wasn't looking at me while calmly replying, "One of the employees reported sick, so I had to substitute for him during a meeting with another company. The company president was impressed by my confidence, he gave me a promotion and my own office".

"Wow, that's great!" I exclaimed.

I waited for Natsume to show some signs of excitement or atleast a little interest, but he wasn't smiling even just a bit. I couldn't believe it! I expected him to be happy for himself like I was. It was really good news and yet he thinks nothing of it. This guy is unbelievable!

We sat in awkward silence (well it felt awkward for me at anyways, I dunno 'bout him). I never know with him. His face can never truly show what he really feels inside. But truth be told, I've never seen him angry before. Or if he ever was, he NEVER showed it.

"They finally made a playground for children near here, just a couple of blocks down the road." He said, finally breaking the silence. "I saw lots of children playing there on my way home."

I imagined the scene of laughing little children playing together. The mere thought of it made me smile.

He then drew out a chocolate bar. My eyes widened as he handed it to me. Dark chocolate was my absolute favorite! I'm TOTALLY addicted to it.

He talked while I ate happily, laughing every once in a while about something he said. But something kept bothering me at the back of my head. The mysterious black cat thing that had appeared to me. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get it out of my mind.

I drew a huge breath. "A-weird-cat-appeared-to-me-a-while-ago-and-the-thought-of-it-has-been-bothering-me-ever-since" I said, interrupting him mid-sentence. Man, that was a mouthful. I had to gasp for air after that. I stared at him. He just blinked. "I must've just imagined it. You probably think I'm pretty silly right now." I said, laughing nervously.

He suddenly turned his head to me, putting both his hands firmly on my shoulders. His crimson eyes were serious and his raven hair covered his eyes, giving him a formidable appearance. I stopped laughing, confused.

He whispered, "Forget the cat. It's nothing. Next time you see it, do NOT follow it. Don't listen to anything it says. Whatever you do, DON'T." Natsume's voice was dangerous as he spoke. I suppressed a shiver.

My heart was thumping really hard in my chest. His face was very close to mine.

What the hell was he saying?

I couldn't understand what he meant. It was all so confusing, but I quickly forgot about everything. As I looked into his eyes I even forgot my own name. I was slowly drawn into his beautiful crimson eyes. . .

There was a loud crash and the door to Natsume's room swung open.

"Aawww!!! My daughter has finally learned to have some fun!" said a dreamy voice coming from the doorway.

Natsume removed his hands from my shoulders and I turned to see Erin standing in the doorway. She was obviously drunk. Her blonde hair was a mess, her dress was rumpled, make-up smudged in some places. The sight of her standing there sickened me. A look of utter disgust crossed my face, yet she just kept on yapping on and on like she hadn't noticed the expression on my face.

"Natsume, make sure this girl becomes a woman first before you return her to me." She cooed, winking at him. "It's better for her to lose virginity now than never. And from someone she *giggles* trusts." A devious smile crept across her wicked face.

I felt my face heat up. Red with shame and with my anger at boiling point. I couldn't control it anymore. I felt like I was going to burst.

My voice rose to an earsplitting screech as I shouted, "HOW DARE YOU EVEN _SUGGEST_ SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME?! I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING THAT STUPID, BECAUSE UNLIKE YOU, I'M NOT A FUCKING SLUT!" I said, spitting the last word at her. I took a deep breath and continued. "YOU ABUSE ME AND TREAT ME LIKE SHIT AND I'VE DEALT WITH IT ALL MY LIFE. BUT THIS?! HE'S MY FREAKING BROTHER!"

I grabbed the bowl that held my ice cream just a moment ago, and threw it to the ground with a loud crash to emphasize my point. It shattered into a million pieces and a shard of glass flew through the air and sliced across Erin's cheek, creating a thin clean cut on the surface of her flesh. Blood oozed out of the new wound on her once perfect face.

Her hand shot up protectively to her injured cheek. She just blinked, her smile slowly turning to a scowl.

"How could you do this to me?!" She shrieked, slapping my cheek with the hand that wasn't protecting her cheek. The impact was so hard that she broke the skin on my cheek and I felt the blood staining my face, the warmth and the wetness of it against my skin. A stinging and burning sensation arose and I resisted the urge to cry out in pain. "And don't you dare talk to me like that way young lady. I am your MOTHER, I KNOW what's best for you. You're still young, you don't know what you wa-!"

"What the hell you talking about?!" I protested angrily. "You say you're my mom, but you sure don't act like one! I'm more mature than you in so many ways, that I-"

"Stop shouting! I am your mother and you have no right to answer me like that!"

"I will answer you anyway I feel like! I'm a free living human being and I have the right to speak my thoughts! Unlike you! I don't even think you ARE human!"

"How DARE you-"

I slammed the door at her and she started pounding her fists on the door. I could hear her muffled shouts through the wooden door that separated us.

"Hey, I'm not done talking to you! Open this door right this instant!" she ordered. "If you don't, I'll personally make sure that your life is going to turn into a living nightmare! You're gonna regret ever talking to me that way!"

I just ignored her_. My life is already a living hell with you here,_ I thought bitterly to myself.

This was the first time we had this kind of encounter. It was too harsh for words; and feeling weak, my body slumped and I slid against the wooden door and onto the floor. My eyes wet with tears. Each teardrop mingled with the blood splattered on my face. I tried to wipe them away. I never want Erin to see the tears flow down my face. I never want her to have the satisfaction of seeing me cry. . .

I saw Natsume stand up and walk over to me silently. His crimson eyes sad.

"It's okay. . ." He murmured as he wrapped his arms around me. I let my head sink to his chest as I shook, trying to hold back the tears.

That night, I slept curled up on his bed, his arms still embracing my shaking form. His hands caressed my hair and I looked into his caring eyes as I slowly drifted to sleep. Out of the corner of my eye I could still see the broken glass. The bloody shards glistened as it caught light. . . then faded as my vision finally turned black. . .

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**[FYI guyz, nothing happened between them in the course of the night, ok? Don't force yourself into thinking green^^]**

** [But of course, if you want you can make it so that something DID happen between them. The reader has the freedom to interpret the story anyway he or she wishes. PEACE!]**

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**To answer xXSakura AawayukiXx 's question: I'm not really sure how old Natsume is here [does it even matter?]**

**I guess he could be 19 years old???**


	6. 5:Hallucinations?

**Beta: Ichigo1010  
**

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Chapter 5

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The next morning, I woke up to the familiar surroundings of my own little room - Natsume probably carried me here last night. As I propped myself up, my eyes found a shiny coal-black object lying on the floor near my bed. I slowly reached out to grab it. In my hands I now held a cellphone...

I inspected it with curious eyes, finding its simplicity and elegance truly captivating. It was a flip phone by the looks of it and had a screen on the outside that shows the time and date. I flipped it open and found a single text message from Natsume.

_Hope you're ok now. I want you to have this so that you could contact me if you ever need me. After last night, I think that you really earned this. Enjoy the rest of your day. - N_

I examined the cellphone once again after I had closed it. I could make out the word Mikan engraved on one corner in silver letters. I immediately texted a reply.

_Thank you so much! I promise to treasure this forever ^^_

The warm water felt soothing against my skin. The steam calmed my nerves. After I had made sure _she _was gone, I had headed for the bathtub and soaked in hot water while thinking - thinking about Natsume.

His soft hands caressing me in my sleep...

The sound of his even breathing...

The rhythmic beating of his heart...

I sank still deeper into the gentle waters.

... Natsume's face drawing closer and closer to mine, until finally our lips meet: a kiss...

I sat up quickly, my face burning. The water sloshed all around me, some of it splashing over the edge of the tub.

_'Oh my god, what am I thinking?! He's my brother for crying out loud! I shouldn't be thinking these things about him,'_ I reminded myself frantically. I hastily got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around my body. Water still dripped from the wet tresses of my hair. Looking at my red face and puffy eyes in the mirror, I slapped my cheeks twice then went out to my room. I didn't care if even if I left trails of puddles on my way. I'll just clean it up later, I decided.

I was about to dress myself when I heard a familiar sound (No, it wasn't my stomach, sheesh) –it was the sound of a cat meowing in the distance. I just ignored it and continued with what I was doing. I was still choosing what clothes to wear when the noise came again, only this time it was louder.

_'Natsume said to just ignore it and not listen to it,'_ I reminded myself.

Then it came yet again, only this time, it seemed to come from somewhere very near. I was surprised as I turned around and found the cat sitting by the door. I was pretty sure I locked the door to my room earlier. It was impossible that the cat could've entered through there. Nor could it have been inside my room before - if it had, I would've already noticed it (there was nowhere for a cat to hide in this almost barren room of mine). As if that was strange enough, the cat suddenly stood up and started pawing at the door, as if it wanted to get out somehow.

I hurriedly dressed in my purple tank top and khaki shorts. I went toward the door; the cat moved aside to give way to me. When I opened the door, the cat immediately ran outside towards the kitchen; but I just stood there. It turned around when it noticed I wasn't following, so it just sat there - meowing - waiting for me to me to follow.

I was having second thoughts, remembering what Natsume had told me. But I thought, _what could possibly go wrong if I disobeyed him just this once_? And I was pretty darn curious.

"The heck with Natsume!" I declared out loud.

So I took a step closer to the cat and followed as it continued its journey to the kitchen. On the table top, I found a knife and a weird mark on the table in the shape of a heart. It was made of fresh blood! The heart looked like it was being engulfed in flames... That thing definitely hadn't been there before. Blood dripped incessantly onto the floor beneath. Its rhythm was like that of a metronome. Drip… drip… drip…

The cat jumped and sat on top of the table, right beside the knife and the mark. It picked up the knife in its mouth and leapt off the table. It slowly made its way towards me. Its eyes shining with the same bright crimson as Natsume's.

I quickly made for my room, sparing no time to look back. What I saw made me shiver, made me feel fear. I took out my cellphone with a shaky hand and tried to type a message.

_I saw the black cat in the house again. What should I do?_

I eagerly awaited his reply, but after a few minutes of waiting, I gave up the hope of that. So I very cautiously opened the door and peered outside. There was no sign of the cat anywhere. (A/N: Man! I'm so tired of typing cat over and over again... wanna name it? ...how about calling it 'Mr. Cat'? That'll sure keep me motivated XD) I hesitantly made my way out.

My heart was still pounding so hard I swear I could almost hear it. When I reached the kitchen, the knife was gone, and so was the mark. I swept my hand over the surface of the table. There was no trace of the mark. In fact, there was no evidence that the events took place at all, so I returned to my room and stayed there until night time came. All the time just listening to the silence that lurked the room. Not knowing what the future had in store for me. I hadn't realized I had fallen asleep until a knock on my door woke me up.

I opened the door a crack to see that it was only Natsume. So I let him in, and he sat on the floor next to my bed.

"Did you receive my text message?" I asked on my way to his side.

"Uh, yeah. You're welcome." He wasn't looking at me.

"No, I mean about that weird cat." I corrected impatiently.

"Have you eaten dinner yet?"

"Why are you changing the subject?"

He said nothing in reply.

"You're hiding something from me," I accused him with a frown. "What is it about the cat that you won't talk to me about?"

*Silence*

"You think I'm crazy don't you? You think I'm out of my mind!"

"It's not like that, it's just... wait, you didn't follow that 'thing' did you?" he asked, suddenly looking at me. Now that I've seen his eyes I began to regret bringing it up. His gaze frightened me.

"Uhm... no, of course not," I lied, "You were the one who told me I shouldn't, so why should I?" I averted my gaze from him.

He sighed in relief.

"Why SHOULDN'T I follow it anyways?" I just had to know. All this secrecy was killing me. It seemed to me that now was the right time to ask him. But I was mistaken.

"Just don't. I can't tell you more than that." Again he wasn't looking at me. But his voice had a ring of bitterness to it.

"Ok, that's it! If you don't want to tell me, fine! I'm gonna find out for myself then, even if it kills me!"

He stood up towering over me. "You are NOT going to do such thing." he said. "You don't even know what you're getting yourself int-"

I stood up, put both my hands on his shoulders, and shoved him towards the door. "Who do you think you are, my mom?!" I asked him angrily. "You don't tell me your reasons; I won't listen to you!" When he was just outside the door, I slammed it closed and then shut the bolt.

On the other side of the door, footsteps faded into the distance...

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**OK..... so... just a note since my beta seems confused and probably some of you guyz are too.......**

**THE CAT AND THE FOX ARE TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT CHARACTERS!!**

**The black cat with crimson eyes appears to Mikan in real life...**

**While the red-eyed golden fox remains in Mikan's sub-conscious...**

**Got That?!**

***sigh*  
**


	7. 6:Unexpected

**It's so sad cuz Ichigo1010 is not my beta anymore...**

**She has some other things to do... problems to take care of...**

**Ichigo1010, if you're reading this, i just wanna say thanks...**

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Chapter 6

I sat in a corner of my room wondering what could be the reason Natsume was so defensive about Mr. Cat. How did the cat get inside in the first place? I listed some of my theories on the black spiral notebook I always kept hidden under my mattress.

_Possibility#1 – Natsume let Mr. Cat in the house_

_Possibility#2 – The cat just happened to wander inside the house._

_Possibility#3 –Natsume was followed home from the market by Mr. Cat (ROTFLMAO... Mr. Cat). The cat, upon seeing me, tried to get my attention because it was hungry and wanted someone to feed him. So it made me follow him to the kitchen and held out the knife for me to use in opening some canned food. And the mark on the table was merely a hallucination made by my troubled little mind, conjured up by my fears._

Well, that's all that I could think of at the moment. So, let's see… Possibility#1 doesn't seem so likely. Natsume most probably doesn't like animals, so the chances of that are very low. Possibility#2 could be, but we always lock the doors. But then... why would Natsume try to defend it? Quite unlikely then. Possibiliy#3. Actually, I just totally made that up. Very farfetched. No cat could be smart enough to even think of asking help from a human being. I only wrote that so I could have 3 possibilities (hehehe). So anyways, they all don't seem quite likely to be true.

*Sigh*. I crawled towards my bed and sprawled across it, making myself occupy the whole space. Then I fell asleep clutching the notebook in one of my hands.

I slowly opened my eyes. I feel so weak I don't think I can stand up. My back hurts too. I tried to sit upright.

Aaak! My notebook! It's shredded to pieces! I held the strips in my hands. It's probably the cat's fault. I threw the notebook at my pile of clothes, which tumbled down. As I threw it I noticed something black on my left arm. It looked like some weird alien writing. The odd markings ran down from the tip of my hand to my shoulder. It could've been black paint or a tattoo.

Suddenly, my arm began to hurt. It felt like the mark was burning my skin. The pain was excruciating. I ran to the bathroom and tried to rinse it off. I held my arm under running water. After scrubbing it with soap and water, the pain passed and my whole arm felt numb. The marks wouldn't come off. I just hope nobody would notice. But just in case, I put on a shirt with long sleeves. Not recommended during this hot weather but it was necessary.

It was almost lunch time, but I stayed in my room. A few minutes later a knock came from the door. I held my ear to the door so I could hear better. "I brought your lunch. Open up the door".

"You finally gonna tell me about the black cat?"

I heard the clanking of silverware on the floor, then footsteps fading into the distance. I knew it: he wouldn't tell me. He probably never will. _Don't get your hopes too high up Mikan, you're just gonna get disappointed._

Dinner time: He just left my food just outside my door again.

Next day: Lunch time. Another knock on my door. I opened it this time. Natsume stood there holding a silver tray of food in both hands. I leaned on the door frame.

"No" he said immediately, as if he read my mind. I took the tray from him, turned, then closed the door with my foot without saying a single word to him.

Then I heard his voice through the door. "Why don't we go outside today and visit the new playground?" At that, I quickly put down the tray and opened the door with so much enthusiasm that it slammed on the nearby wall.

"You serious? That bitch won't let me go out of the house for anything! You sure it would be ok?"

"Yeah, she won't even know we were gone"

"Give me 5 minutes!" I changed my clothes as fast as I could and ate some of the food on the tray. Then we were off.

This was so very exciting. It would be the first time I've ever left the house (as long as I could remember).

It was all so magnificent. The red sun shining above my head, the silky blue sky, the green grass, the laughing children playing in the streets, the families having picnics together. And we were just strolling along the path like two young lovers. OMG, that thought scared me. LOVERS? ME AND NATSUME? I laughed at my own silliness. I sat on a swing and Natsume was pushing me. The wind was so refreshing as it hit my face. I couldn't help but to smile and just enjoy the moment while it lasts.

We went to this cute little restaurant just down the street. We sat at a table, just the two of us, eating chocolate cake. I took out my diary and wrote on it [a/n: yes, it is this very part of the story].

"What are you doing?" asked Natsume.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm writing on my diary. You'll never know, maybe when I'm gone, someone would find this notebook and publish my life story. I could be very famous!" My eyes turned to stars. The thought made me so happy, even though my life seems soooo suckish.

He just smiled at me.

We were on our way home. But, Natsume suddenly stopped mid-stride. I looked around and saw the reason why Natsume had suddenly stopped. In the dark alley, there was a man. He was harassing a young girl! I turned to Natsume. He was already walking away as if he didn't see anything at all! I looked back at the alley. My heart instantly became filled with hatred. At the man for taking advantage of a little girl, at Natsume for not doing anything about it, at myself for being so helpless. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to remove the scene from my head. My eyes were still closed as I slowly walked away trying to catch up to Natsume.

[a/n: this happened WHILE Mikan was walking away with Natsume]

_A golden fox-like creature appeared in the alleyway. It pounced at the man from the roof of the nearby building. The man's head hit the wall and he collapsed cold on the floor, his skull crushed with blood gushing fast. The fox fed on the blood that flowed from the man's skull. The girl let out an ear-splitting screech, and fled, eyes wide with fear. The fox-like creature suddenly disappeared; at the same time it did, Mikan fainted._

When I woke up, I was already in my room. All I could remember was someone carrying me home. And during the night, I remember someone placing a wet towel on my forehead. My head was spinning now. I felt my face, it was very warm. I looked sideways and saw a tray of food there. It was Monday, so Natsume is probably at work. I didn't feel hungry anyways, so I just left the food there. I closed my eyes to go back to sleep. Oh wait! I opened my eyes and reached out my arm to grab a piece of paper lying on the floor. Oh great, Natume's working overtime...


	8. Memoirs 2, part 1

Memoirs 2 - 1

[FLASHBACK]

Memories haunt us our entire lives, every single minute of every day. It's funny how people would tell us that we should leave our past behind us, when the reality is that you can never run away from it. Here, I dare you to forget a painful memory - or maybe the happiest day of your life? Still can't? Well, this just probably made you remember it more huh? Trust me, you're not the only one.

It just made me remember my terrible past.

Since the day I could remember, I had already been abused by my mother. How did you think I grew up to be the rebellious girl I am today? Definitely not because of motherly love and proper guidance.

I remember my first few share of bitter memories. I was probably just about four years old; three years after my father had left me. The weather was terribly hot and I had nothing good to do. I wandered into Erin's room and found a piece of paper and a pen lying innocently on the floor. I sat comfortably on the floor and started doodling on the paper, humming a happy little tune as I did.

You know how kids draw their families in the form of stick figures? I made one of those, except mine didn't include a 'dad' in the picture. I mean, how could I include a dad if I didn't even know what a dad was?

So I only drew 2 figures: a mom and a kid standing hand-in-hand. The overall background was a cheery façade of the sun shining down on the pair and on the house that stood grandly on top of a hill behind them. At the bottom of the two figures I had written the words 'mama and me' in squiggly handwriting.

I was so excited to show my drawing to Erin. It was my first ever work of art and I was so proud of myself. But Erin was the least bit impressed.

"Mommy, mommy, look what I made!" I had announced happily as I trotted into the living room. I stood in front of her, grinning my toothy grin, displaying my drawing for her to see.

You should've seen the look on her face when she read and heard the word 'mama'. Her features twisted with hot fury.

She stood up and snatched my drawing clean off my hands. She ripped it into tiny little pieces and threw it up in the air. She then stooped down so that our faces were on the same level and yelled loudly at me, "I… am… not… your… MOTHER!" This I found pretty ironic because she is, in fact, my real mother.

Erin's stare suddenly drifted to the shredded pieces of paper lying on the floor. Without warning, she grabbed me by the wrists and raised my fragile little body five feet off the ground. "My check! You drew on my fucking check?" she shrieked so loudly my ears bled. "You freaking owe me two thousand!" her eyes were bulging right out of its sockets.

She started shaking me back and forth in the air. She totally shook the shit out of me. I even remember puking on her shirt. That was the last straw for her.

Her eyes shone like cruel gems of ice, piercing into me like cold daggers.

I was just a child, little things easily made me upset and I always ended up crying. And that was what happened: I cried, a lot.

Erin's expression turned into one of utter disgust. She brought my body and mercilessly shoved me inside the closet down the hall.

The closet was dark – pitch black. A lot of objects lined the corners of the cramped room, objects which I could not identify in the dark. There was also a sort of scurrying noise somewhere behind the pile of junk.

I was probably stuck in there for hours, all the while wailing my poor heart out. I know I could've escaped easily, if only I wasn't too small to even reach the stupid doorknob.

I couldn't help but imagine that horrible creatures were lurking about in the darkness, waiting for the right moment to tackle me and feast on my organs.

Something suddenly ran across the top of my feet and made me scream out loud. I could hear my heart thumping wildly in my chest. And it beat even faster when the door creaked open. I thought my heart was going to burst through my chest.

I held my breath and tried to close my eyes. But I couldn't move an inch. It was as if I was paralyzed.

The light from the hall came spilling in to fill the darkness. The sudden brightness made my eyes hurt. It took a while for my eyes to finally adjust to the light. I saw a figure blocking the light partly, casting a large silhouette.

After I finally got over the shock and gained control of my body once again, I hid my face behind my arms and slid down to a crouching position.

I felt the person slowly approaching me, as if with caution. Every step that he took closed the gap between us. I didn't even have the courage to look up in case my gaze would meet the icy glares of my mom.

I hadn't anticipated that the person would wrap his arms around me.

I drew my head back to see Natsume's worried eyes staring back at me. He gave a small smile, as if telling me that everything was going to be all right.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I took a fistful of his shirt and clung to him as if at any moment he would just disappear into thin air.

Between sobs, I tried to explain to him what had happened. But he just held his finger to my mouth and told me to forget all about it. As much as I wanted to, it just seemed impossible to do.

I continued to cry even when I had stopped talking. He rubbed his hand comfortingly up and down my back. Then he did something amazing… he sang the sweetest sing I had ever heard:

"_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears. And I held your hand through all of these years. But you still have all of me."_

He kept singing those lines to me until I had stopped crying. He stood up and held his hand out to me. This I gladly accepted. He led me out of the darkness of the closet and into the warmth of his touch...

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**I finally found the strength to continue doing my story! It's been a while, I know, and I'm terribly sorry.**

**I hope you enjoy this utterly controversial chappie! =))**

**Anyways, this is just part 1 of Memoirs 2. Part 2 will be put up as soon as I have the time. Yes, this has a part 2! Surprise!**

**Senior year is really stressful and troublesome. Busy, busy, busy.**

**If you're interested, I would definitely appreciate it if somebody could help edit this chapter for me.**

**I would totally love it if someone cared enough to ease my burden.**

**Oh just listen to me going on and on. haha anyways...**

**PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW!**


	9. Memiors 2, part 2

Memoirs 2-2

[Continuation of Flashback]

I clutched his hand tightly in mine. My hand still wouldn't stop shaking and sweating. My eyes stung a bit after all that crying, making it harder for me to keep my eyes open. I just concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. My unfocused gaze never left the marble tiled floor.

Natsume suddenly stopped, so I looked up to see that he had led me into the kitchen. He tried to slip his hand gently from my fingers but I refused to let go. He turned and stared straight into my eyes. My hand fell limp and released him from my grasp.

He neared one of the wooden dinning chairs and dragged it a little way back. Then he went to the cupboards. He got up on a stool to reach the top cabinets. The top shelf was filled with boxes of biscuits, all kinds of junk food, and even liquor.

I looked up at Natsume, then at the chair he had pulled out. Slowly, I walked up to it and gripped the sides with both hands. I forced myself up, trying with all my might to get on somehow.

Natsume had taken a small box of chocolate chip cookies and a bottle of cold milk from the fridge. Even as he placed them on the table, I was still struggling with the chair. He suddenly walked up behind me, took me by the waist, and hoisted me up almost effortlessly.

I was so surprised that I almost stumbled after I had landed flat on the chair surface. I looked back at him and saw him walking to the other side of the table. He then pulled up a chair for himself.

He took a cookie from the box and offered it to me; I reluctantly took it. Then he loosened the cap on the milk bottle and slid the opened bottle towards me.

He rested his head on his hands and stared at me with those pitying eyes.

"I just can't believe Erin did that to you. She should be ashamed of herself for hurting you like that. Who knows what could've happened to you if you were left alone in the closet a minute longer", he shook his head.

The soft cookie left uneaten in my hand. I could only listen to Natsume continue talking about how it was unfair for me to suffer that way. There was a hint of concern in his voice as he spoke.

"You know, you can't let her harass you that way. But I guess you're still too young to stand up for yourself, huh?" he patted my head. "Don't worry though, I'll take good care of you." He offered me a warm smile.

Just as I was about to take a bite of my cookie, a dark figure passed by the kitchen doorway. It had caught my attention when my hand was still a couple of inches from my mouth. I kept staring at the doorway, expecting the figure to appear again. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Natsume looking at me curiously.

Suddenly, the large shadow loomed again in the dark hallway, taking slow steady strides into the brightly lit kitchen. The light crept slowly from its foot all the way up until I could see the person's face.

Erin stood wide-eyed and red-faced in front of me. She took me by the wrist as she had done before and pushed me onto the cold hard floor. The cookie I was holding flew a couple of feet away from me and smashed into lots of crumby pieces. The table vibrated and caused the milk to spill over the edge of the table, making a horrible mess on the floor.

Erin turned to Natsume and smiled sweetly at him. "Go to your room and finish you homework, darling."

Natsume took a quick glance at my pained expression and hurriedly left the room. I heard his footsteps as he headed for his room. So much for taking good care of me…

I looked up at Erin and she looked down on me. Her smile rapidly morphed into a monstrous scowl. Her eyes were ablaze with pure hatred. I returned her glares with a few of mine.

"Who told you to come out of the closet? I put you in there for a reason," she snarled at me.

I directed my scornful gaze to the ground. "I think the only reason you left me in there was to suffocate me," I thought to myself bitterly.

She squeezed my face with both her hands and turned it forcefully so that I was facing her. "As far as I'm concerned, I've given you everything you ever needed. I have been treating you nicely even when you most definitely do not deserve it. You should be grateful I haven't gotten rid of you yet."

I don't know what came over me, but the words that came out of my mouth surprised me as much as it did Erin. The words "Then why don't you just get rid of me now? It's what you want right? It should be so easy for someone as heartless as you, Katherine. And besides, I don't mind. Beats the crap out of having to share the same universe as you" came tumbling out with so much conviction and oozing with hate.

It was the first time in a long while since called her by her given name, and this infuriated her much more than any of the other words I said. Hearing her real name reminded her of how her own parents ruined her life.

She pushed me so hard that my head recoiled against my body. My whole body shook involuntarily as I heard the slapping of a belt against the floor. I closed my eyes as tightly as I could while I was being continuously whipped. The metal buckle made contact with my body and left my skin sore. Again and again the belt lashed. She grunted angrily as she kept hitting me.

I could almost feel large cuts forming on the surface of my skin. Warm blood trickled from the wounds. Black spots started appearing in front of my eyes as my vision blurred.

I could have sworn I saw Natsume's figure crouched behind the doorway, watching intently as I was being severely punished.

Suddenly, the lashes stopped altogether. I heard Erin's voice crack as she muttered thoughtfully, "That's actually not a pretty bad idea. But no… you might be of good use to me someday." A devious grin spread across her sweaty face. Then she burst into an evil laugh.

A final blow of the belt on my face sent to me black out...


End file.
